The happy, sad, romantic, and comical all come rushing in on the musical raft of nostalgia. With intensity (and sometimes vengeance) these tunes swoop me up and start tugging on my heartstrings, playing me like their own instrument.
Remember that Sex And The City episode when Carrie was dating the jazz musician? He would spin her into his arms and play her like a bass guitar, strumming at her with all the his grooviness. Remember him? Yeah, well imagine something like that but not always so hip, groovy and fun.
This random song is one of those that I often avoid. Not just avoiding in the "walk by and pretend you don't see them" way. I'm talking about full-blown "bolting out the backdoor to be CERTAIN you don't come within the vicinity of them" way. We're talking about 5-alarm avoidance. The "STOP, DROP + ROLL" of avoidance.
As soon as the first few bars hum I usually move faster than light to turn it off. Why? Well, there's this crazy thing that happens when I'm not prepared to think of my Dad. It's like a lifetime of memories play on fast forward behind my eyelids and when I get to the part that hurts the most I feel something similar to a 2' by 4' smack me in my soul...and it hurts...and it knocks the wind out of me....and it makes me feel like shit, basically.
(Stop, drop and roll.)
Now, if I decide to stroll down Memory Lane on my own accord, I'm fine. I can purposefully dig through song lists and cherry pick the ones that feel warm and fuzzy. I'm ok with that. In fact, I'm better than OK with that. I am a full blown ROCK STAR at that. However, when a rogue song or memory or feeling has the audacity to "try me"...well, I guess I've still got a lot of healing ahead of me.
Today, this song came to mind. Rather than wincing and pushing it out of my thoughts I was feeling courageous, curious and brave (you know, the formula for naive kittens) and I decided to give it a try. To hear it, feel it and allow all those memories that go along with it to wash over me.
It's the first time I could ALMOST listen to the whole thing. The first time in nearly 7 years (yes, we are just shy of 7, which I find unbelievable too) I've been able to achieve this.
I consider this to be a positive sign that some of my soul scars are healing. Being the sucker for positivity that I am, I'll take it in any form I can get it.
So, here's to celebrating the fact that there is hope for our deepest hurts (ever so slowly) healing.
"But when the night is falling
and you cannot find the light
If you feel your dream is dying
Hold tight
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
The world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live…"
"You Get What You Give"
— New Radicals
:: Always from under the same sky ::
Tara
